The loved one, who has no insight into the complexity of Asperger’s Syndrome and Hfa, has no chance of realizing that the apparent social skills in romance and relationship forming are not an intuitively naturally behavior for the aspie, but are a learned response from copying and memorizing other people’s behavior.The person with Asperger’s Syndrome may have developed a superficial expertize in romance and dating from careful observation, and by mimicking actors and using the script from television programmes and films.Many neuro typical spouses recount their unhappiness when their partner does not want to kiss or be caressed, and they then suffer the AS-partner’s rejection of physical and emotional intimacy.(1, 3, 4, 5)Tactile defensiveness or other sensory issues of the AS partner may be so extreme that shared adult sleeping arrangements are not possible.
On the other hand, sexual demands may be so high as to drive the other partner to distraction, leaving him or her little time for rest or respite.But some characteristics are said to be typical of every successful relationship: Good and less good moments appear in all relationships. But NT-AS relationships suffer further as a result of neurologically and biologically caused deficits on all the points mentioned above, in addition to other marriage stressors.These deficits are caused by the Asperger’s (ASD) partner’s failure to reach certain cognitive, emotional, physical milestones.This also applies to the part of the relationship that includes sex and romance: very often there is no sexual relationship at all; or the NT-partner feels as if she is the Mom of the partner, who behaves like an immature child in an adult’s body; or the female with Asperger’s in the relationship can become asexual, as soon as a child is born; or the middle-aged male-partner with Asperger’s (ASD) and a good academic career can’t understand why it is wrong to expose his private parts in public areas, if he feels like it.
These are some of the confusing scenarios which arise regularly in NT/ASD marriages.This article is about the particular challenges that exist when one partner has an autism disorder (ASD / High functioning autism, Hfa) and the other partner is normally (NT) developed, i.e.